Is the self an illusion—or something real and necessary? If we must die before we die, what is it that actually dies?
In this follow-up to Dying Before You Die, hosts Michael Ellick and Jeff Mansfield wrestle with the paradox of selfhood, consciousness, and crucifixion. Does awakening mean dissolving the ego, or is there something essential about our individuality? How did Jesus navigate this mystery, and what does it mean for us?
From childhood mystical experiences to the Church’s to the potentially heretical path of theosis, we explore what it means to let go—and what remains when we do.
Episode Highlights
[00:02:30] The Struggle of the Separate Self:
Jeff reflects on whether the striving, suffering self has a meaningful role in spiritual life, despite the call to transcend it.
[00:05:15] The Threefold Nature of Reality:
Michael introduces tantric philosophy—emptiness, clarity, and their ultimate unity—and relates it to Christian mysticism.
[00:06:33] Jeff’s Childhood Encounter with Emptiness:
A nine-year-old Jeff experiences an overwhelming mystical vision of absolute nothingness that brings him to his knees.
[00:12:29] Breaking Free from Materialist Nihilism:
A discussion of how modern culture’s physicalist worldview fuels existential despair and why direct experience challenges it.
[00:17:36] The Crisis of Identity and the Fallacy of the Ego:
Can the ego survive the encounter with its own illusion? How does the Western world condition us to fear this dissolution?
[00:22:20] The Prodigal Son’s Descent as Spiritual Initiation:
An exploration of how rock-bottom moments—both personal and cultural—force us to remember our true nature.
[00:35:36] Jesus, the Desert, and the Death of the Self:
The temptation of Christ as an initiatory confrontation with the false self and its grasp for power.
[00:46:09] Theosis and the Forgotten Path to Godhood:
If Jesus showed us the way, why has the Church insisted that only he can walk it? Jeff and Michael challenge orthodox assumptions.
Works Cited
The Gospel of Luke – The Parable of the Prodigal Son
The Gospel of Matthew – The Parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins
Chögyam Trungpa – Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism
Henry Nouwen – The Return of the Prodigal Son
Continue the Conversation
Why is there something rather than nothing? Is consciousness fundamental? What does “dying before you die” mean to you? We’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out at:
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